Adoption by a Non-Relative: Agency and Private Options

Adopting a child you are not related to is a legal process as well as a family decision. In the United States, adoption is mainly governed by state law and finalized in a state court. That means the steps, forms, and waiting periods depend on where you live, where the child lives, and the type of adoption you choose. This guide explains the two broad paths many families consider, agency adoption and private (sometimes called independent) adoption, and the legal questions that tend to come up in both.

Why state law decides

There is no single national adoption procedure for domestic adoptions. Each state sets its own rules about who may adopt, how a birth parent's consent is given, whether and when consent can be withdrawn, what fees and expenses may be paid, and what the court needs to see before it approves the adoption.

The USAGov courts page lists family court and probate court among the state and territory courts. Depending on your state, an adoption may be heard in one of these or in another state court. A family lawyer in your state can tell you which court handles adoptions where you live.

Agency adoption

In an agency adoption, a licensed adoption agency arranges the placement. Agencies may be public (such as a state or county child welfare agency that places children from foster care) or private.

Agencies generally:

• Work with birth parents who are considering placing a child, and may offer them counseling.
• Screen and prepare adoptive families, often through a home study.
• Match children with families.
• Handle many of the consent and paperwork steps required by state law.
• Provide some support after placement.

Because agencies are licensed by the state, they work under state rules and oversight. Families sometimes choose an agency because it offers a structured process and handles much of the coordination.

Adoption from foster care is usually arranged through a public agency. These adoptions often involve children who are older, siblings, or children with additional needs, and the process may include time as a foster parent first. The rules come from state child welfare law.

Private or independent adoption

In a private adoption, the birth parents and adoptive parents arrange the placement without an agency, usually with the help of lawyers. Sometimes they are connected through people they know.

Not every state allows private adoption in the same way. Some states restrict who may help connect birth parents with adoptive families, and many limit what expenses adoptive parents may pay. Paying for a child, or for consent, is illegal. Expenses that may be allowed, and the paperwork needed to show them to the court, depend on state law.

In many private adoptions, each side has its own lawyer. The birth parents' rights and the adoptive parents' interests are not the same, and one lawyer generally cannot represent both.

Steps that appear in many adoptions

Whatever path you choose, many non-relative adoptions include some version of these steps:

1. Home study. A licensed professional or agency reviews the adoptive home and family. Many states require one for non-relative adoptions.
2. Consent or termination of parental rights. A child generally cannot be adopted until the birth parents' rights end, either by legally valid consent or by a court order. State law decides how consent is given and when it becomes final.
3. Placement. The child comes to live with the adoptive family, sometimes before the adoption is final.
4. Post-placement period. Some states require visits or reports for a period after placement.
5. Court hearing and final decree. A judge reviews the case and, if the requirements are met, signs an adoption order. After that, the adoptive parents are the child's legal parents.

When the child and the adoptive family live in different states, extra approval steps between the states are generally required before the child moves. A lawyer can explain what applies to your situation.

Questions to ask a lawyer or agency

• Which type of adoption is allowed in my state, and which fits my situation?
• Who represents the birth parents, and who represents me?
• How and when does consent become final under state law?
• Which expenses may legally be paid, and how are they reported to the court?
• What happens if the child is born in, or lives in, another state?
• Will there be ongoing contact with the birth family, and is any agreement about contact enforceable here?
• What are your fees, and what costs are separate?

Getting help

Adoption is a specialized area. Look for a lawyer who handles adoptions regularly in your state, and confirm their license with the state bar or licensing body. Browse family law attorneys or read more of our guides on legal topics.

If cost is a concern, the USAGov legal aid page points to free and low-cost legal help, including the Legal Services Corporation, LawHelp.org, and law school pro bono programs. Services vary by location and some are limited to people with low incomes.

Frequently asked questions

Is private adoption legal everywhere in the U.S.?

Rules differ by state. Some states allow independent adoption with fewer limits than others, and some restrict who may help arrange it. A lawyer in your state can explain what is permitted.

Can a birth parent change their mind?

State law decides whether, how, and until when consent can be withdrawn. This is one of the most important questions to ask early.

Is the adoption final when the child moves in?

Usually not. An adoption is generally final when a judge signs the adoption decree.

Do I need a home study for a private adoption?

Many states require a home study for non-relative adoptions, including private ones. Check your state's rules with a lawyer or agency.

This page is general information, not legal advice. Laws change and every case is different — talk to a licensed attorney about your situation.